Today we’re bringing you another round of He Said/She Said. These posts are really your chance as readers to hear how discussions (and sometimes disagreements) play out when managing our lives with each other. For a look at some of the past He Said/She Said discussions – check ‘em out here.
The Background On Today’s Conversation
We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Okay, maybe that’s not 100% accurate. After all, there’s a decent chance that we’ll remember the date and acknowledge it with a “Happy Valentine’s Day!” But that’s about the extent to which we take part in traditional Valentine’s Day festivities.
And it’s been that way pretty much the entire time we’ve been together.
In fact, the only V-day gift I ever remember in our relationship was a single gas-station rose that Mr. PoP bought me when I was working until 2am on our very first Valentine’s Day. Even if he overpaid for that rose, which is a fair assumption since it was purchased at a gas station (She didn’t complain at the time, but we had separate accounts back then-Mr. PoP), that means that all of our V-day spending throughout the years has ammounted to (maybe?) $5. And with each passing Valentine’s Day (this is our 10th as a couple – how’s that for making you feel old, Mr PoP!), the average cost of Valentine’s Day in our house keeps dropping.
Instead of spending money trying to show how much we love one another, we find our relationship works much better telling the other person exactly why we love them. (Especially because I’m such a literal person.) So read on and evesdrop on why Mr. PoP loves me and vice versa.
Mostly I think I love Mrs. PoP because she is smokin’ hot. No, seriously! We can’t show you guys her picture because we like being anonymous, but she’s really beautiful. =)
On top of that, she has brains in a way that I don’t, so we make a good team. While I was whiling my days away reading Kierkegaard and Socrates, she was studying calculus and statistics. As a result she can do things with numbers that help make our plans real in a way that I just can’t on my own. I may be the one who suggests taking a year off from work to travel, or sail in the Caribbean or buy our own business, but if she doesn’t put the math together to make the dream feasable, these things will remain just that – dreams.
Lastly, she’s also my best friend. Single guys out there – listen to me. If you’re not marrying your best friend, you’re gonna have a tougher time. If you don’t share or at least appreciate your partner’s sense of humor, general outlook on life, and some other key traits that go into a solid friendship, then being with them for the next Eternity is gonna be a drag.
I’ll admit it up front. My top reason for loving Mr. PoP is horribly selfish. And before you start thinking that I’m a gold digger who was only ever out for money from Mr. PoP’s family or that I’m insanely vain because Mr. PoP looks like this body builder (Its true, I really do-Mr. PoP), that’s just not true. But my reason might be just as selfish.
You see, one of the things I love about Mr. PoP is that he cares more about my happiness than anyone else I’ve ever known in my life. Myself included in there.
I have people-pleasing instincts. You can attribute them partly to nature and partly to nurture, but in the end it doesn’t really matter where those instincts come from. I like pleasing others. And for a long time pleasing others was far more important than pleasing myself. (Anyone else out there like this? I know I can’t possibly be alone.) But that’s not right. And having a long term habit of putting my wants and desires on the back burner to please others isn’t healthy.
Mr. PoP knew all of this long before I did. For the last decade he has challenged me to go out and find what it takes for ME to be happy. He doesn’t have the answers. He doesn’t tell me what to do. He just supports me in figuring out what I need to feel safe, happy, and content.
It’s awesome. And I mean that in the sense that I really am in awe of these facts on a near daily basis.
I almost feel like I’m not giving the full emotion is due with these words, but the feeling of KNOWING that someone cares more about your happiness than you do – that – is incredibly powerful. And that’s what I love the most about Mr. PoP, selfish as it is.
FWIW, there are less selfish reasons that I love Mr. PoP. These include (but are not limited to): his intelligence, his gentleness, his snarky sense of humor, and the fact that he keeps me on my toes. Plus, his features are incredibly symmetric! =)
So what do you love about your spouse/partner? Share it here, and then don’t forget to TELL them! It’s cheaper than chocolates and has fewer empty calories.