Today we’re bringing you another round of He Said/She Said. These posts are really your chance as readers to hear how discussions (and sometimes disagreements) play out when managing our lives with each other. For a look at some of the past He Said/She Said discussions – check ‘em out here.
Bullying is all over the news lately. From the charges dropped against the teenagers accused of cyberbullying that led to the suicide of a Florida 12-year-old a couple of months ago to the bullying scandal among Miami Dolphin’s teammates that’s now under investigation, it seems like bullying comes in all shapes and all sizes. Especially in Florida. =/
So when I saw this quiz about financial bullying at Credit Karma, let’s just say I was already primed for interest.
According to the site/study, “Financial bullies intimidate and manipulate their partners by controlling all of the household finances.”
Hmmm.. But I control all of the household finances!?! Am I a financial bully? I definitely wear the financial pants in the family, and might be called the budget enforcer inasmuch as we have one… So, to ease my own conscience, I made Mr PoP take the quiz, which consists of just 7 questions with a 4 choice strongly/somewhat agree/disagree answer choice.
This He Said/She Said is in a little different format than usual. But here’s how taking the quiz went.
Q1 – My partner doesn’t allow me to shop on my own.
He Said: Strongly disagree. Though this would require that I have some desire to go shopping.
She Said: Really? I thought you were going to say at least somewhat agree on this. I tend to find better bargains a lot of the time and have more of an eye for details (*cough* like which airports to fly in and out of *cough*) so I like to be involved with bigger purchases, and sometimes it seems like you don’t like that.
Q2 – My partner doesn’t allow me to have credit cards.
He Said: Strongly disagree. You just gave me a new one yesterday!
She Said: True… but then today I told you to stop using that one since we finished churning it in ~24 hours. (Readers – It was a very spendy 24 hours, let me tell you…) I tend to give guidance on which cards to use and help simplify it so we’re getting the best bonuses rather than just applying the purchases to whichever card is at the top of the stack in your wallet.
Q3 – My partner gives me a monthly or weekly allowance.
He Said: Somewhat disagree… monthly budgets in categories like “coffee” or “restaurants” kindof feel that way sometimes.
She Said: Don’t know what to say to this. Without limits you go kindof nuts in these categories since they’re like little escapes. So I get why you feel this way, but you do also ASK to have the limits in place…
Q4 – My partner makes me feel guilty about my shopping habits
He Said: Strongly disagree. Again, I’d have to shop in order to have shopping habits to feel guilty about.
She Said: I actually think you, Mr PoP, are incapable about feeling guilt for anything. Luckily my Catholic upbringing means I feel enough guilt for two. No surprise from this answer.
Q5 – My partner makes me show receipts for all my purchases.
He Said: Somewhat disagree. You do have that obsession about receipts when it comes to the duplex.
She Said: Other than for tax deductibility reasons, mint actually is set up so we never have to worry about receipts. And go ahead and sue me for not wanting to overpay on taxes! As DINKs we statistically pay more than our fair share as it is…
Q6 – My partner forces me to turn over my paycheck.
He Said: Strongly disagree. That was one of the perks of marrying you! Getting to turn over my paycheck to you! Take it all!
She Said: I joke that “what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine…”, and I’m glad that you laugh as much at it as I do.
Q7 – I suspect my partner has lied to me about money.
He Said: Strongly disagree. You grew up Catholic, so the guilt would probably kill you if you lied to me about something.
She Said: The automated transparency in our system makes it pretty difficult to lie to one another about money. Not impossible, but definitely a pain in the ass. When honesty is easier than deception, I don’t really worry about either of us lying.
And the results….
I’m glad I’m not being financially bullied, but I didn’t really need a quiz to tell me that. Can I go back to reading reddit now?
Overall it seems like I worry more about Mr PoP’s feelings when it comes to me wearing the financial pants more than he does. Honestly, that’s pretty comforting to hear every once in a while. I don’t ever want to be like the husband in this financially abusive relationship we updated readers on this summer**.
** Update: Finally some good news on this one, everyone. A couple months ago she kicked him out of the house in the hopes that he would reform and come crawling back. Instead, he started bunking at a friend’s house and immediately threw a party to celebrate his freedom. She cried for a week after hearing about the party, but is now in the process of cleaning up their accounts, putting financial items in her name (like car, a credit card, checking account…), and working with her family to make sure he can’t get custody of the baby out of spite when she finally files for divorce. It’s like a complete 180. Such good news!
Where do you and your partner fall on the financial bully continuum?