Boy have we got a deal for you today. The secrets of getting fit and a way to get rich all at once. You might think that a system like this would cost $100. But no. It’s not even $80. Or $60. It’s just two payments of $19.99!
And what do you get for this?
A Jar That We’ve Coughed Into
Yup. Breathe deeply into that germy cough-filled jar, and you, too, could be on your way to losing a pound a day! Without exercise!
Lay in bed all day watching back episodes of Numb3rs on Hulu (wait, is that just me being nerdy?) because your brain is too fried to do much of anything else. But without even realizing it, the pounds will be melting off.
Forget all the hard work to develop a six-pack. Your “sick-pack” abs will be just as toned without having to do a single crunch! Though, you will cough your guts out for a while. But that’s a small price to pay for beauty!
But wait, there’s more! You’ll also get…
Your Own Get Fit and Get Rich Starter Kit
The starter kit contains:
- 12 Get Fit and Get Rich sterile jars (patent pending) for you to fill with your own coughs and germs
- An order form to purchase more sterile jars from Get Fit and Get Rich (TM)
When your friends and neighbors ask you, “How did you look so darned fit and fabulous overnight?”, you can share the fitness secret (and make some dough!) by preparing your own cough-filled germ-infested jars to sell. The system is so good, you don’t have to be a marketing genius to sell it. Heck, your results will speak for themselves! People will line up around the block to purchase your germs, and you’ll be rich in no time.
Act Fast! Call in today to place your order. Supply is limited (since we’re on the mend and only have so many coughs left in us).
The number is 1-800-FIT-N-RCH. Operators are standing by.
In case it wasn’t obvious, this was a joke. Don’t send us money. We won’t send you germs. But we were reminded of a couple lessons of being sick that we feel the need to share here.
Lessons From Being Sick
- If you have sick leave from work, take it and spare your colleagues the germs. After all, what did they do to you? If you don’t, schedule a face-to-face with the person in charge of sick leave decisions for your department and cough all over them. They deserve it. And tell all your colleagues to do the same when they get sick from your germs.
- Don’t take offense when your spouse asks to sleep in the guest bedroom or roll down the windows when you’re driving in the car because they find your hacking revolting. They still love you, the sound of chunks of mucus going through your airways just makes them want to vomit.
- Think not having a GP (general practitioner) marks you as one of the hyper-mobile hip? Nope. It just makes you a sucker waiting for hours in an Urgent Care lobby and paying 3-5x the copay for crappy care when you could call your GP and get worked in for a quick visit. Get a GP. We shouldn’t have waited until we were 28 years old to do so.
- If sharing germs with another (such as a spouse) try and finagle it so the one of you with better first dollar prescription coverage gets sicker first. Then when your GP says, “If you get worse over the weekend, share some of the cough medicine I prescribed to your spouse yesterday, and if you still need some more next week, call and I’ll prescribe more to you then.”, you’ll save money. (Didn’t work this way for us… said cough medicine was $65 on Mr. PoP’s prescription plan. Would have been $10 if I had been sicker first…)
- Don’t ever forget the weekend where going to the mailbox was your big outing and you passed out twice (with a skinned knee to show for it) on the way back. Appreciate how tough life is for those that are tired and ill most of the time, and be nicer and more patient with 90-year-olds who wander slowly through the grocery store when you’re back at it feeling 100%.
What other lessons can you recall from being sick?